WOUNDS FROM THE WOMB
Catholic Women Blog
“Wonderful are thy works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth.” Psalm 139:15
There are things that science may never be able to unravel, but that does not mean they don’t exist. Scientism makes a futile attempt to reduce everything to atoms and molecules. It is like trying to measure love in a laboratory, or subjecting conscience to a scientific test! This article explores a subject that is above and beyond the purview of science; nonetheless, it is an experiential ‘truth’.
Following a motivational talk, a teenaged girl approached me with something that was nagging her for years. She said she always felt ‘unloved’ and ‘unwanted’ by her mother. She emphasized that no matter how good her mother was to her, she felt that mysterious disconnect.
Equally mystified, I asked the girl if I could meet her mother the following week. Apparently, the mother was aware what her daughter was going through. Knowing that they were communicating their feelings with each other was a huge plus. Treading carefully, I asked the mother if she could share with me her state of mind during her pregnancy. She admitted with tears that right up to the time her daughter was born; she felt that she was not prepared for another child and had contemplated terminating the “unwanted” pregnancy. She said her relationship with her mother-in-law had gone very sour; and that she was already finding it hard to cope with the one child she had at the time. She also conceded that the only reason she did not terminate the pregnancy was because of her steadfast faithfulness to God. After her daughter’s birth, she never had the same feelings and lavished all her love upon the girl.
I told her I was convinced that in some mysterious way, her daughter – while in the womb – had picked up those negative vibrations. It was a very big step to take, but I asked her if she would be willing to share her story with her daughter and seek reconciliation. She said she wanted her daughter whole, and that nothing less would do. I helped her with the use of words, and once she shared her story with her daughter, the result was miraculous. It was touching to see the hugging mother-daughter duo crying words of ‘sorry’ and ‘I love you’ repeatedly.
About four years after that counseling session, a girl came running towards me while I was at a park. I thought it was another student excited at seeing my pet golden retriever. With a huge smile, she asked me if I recognized her. She was the same girl. She said she never got the opportunity to thank me and was yearning to share with me that the session with her mother had changed her life completely, as she never felt ‘unloved’ or ‘unwanted’ again.
I will share another case and this is of a boy studying in the 8th Grade, who was called a girl-hater in his school. He was known to verbally and even physically hurt girls at the slightest provocation and he did not like his female teachers. Worse, he never felt remorse at the way he treated girls. He could not explain why he felt so much rage. I asked him if he realized that someday his actions could go out of control and he could land in prison. He said he did not care.
There is one thing that particularly caught my attention. He would repeatedly insist on seeing his mother (she works overseas). He would say, “I don’t think she loves me. I think she hates me.” With the father reluctant to open up, the case was all but closed as ‘unsolved’.
A few days later he got into trouble again. This time the father was ready to talk to me about some questions I had asked him in our earlier session. I had specifically asked him about his relationship with his wife, and particularly during the time she was pregnant. This is what he had to say: His wife did not want a child because their relationship was growing bitter by the day. She wanted to terminate the pregnancy, but he did not allow it. What was happening is that, as they quarreled all through her pregnancy, an innocent child was being shaped in a turbulent womb.
I spoke to the mother over the phone and encouraged her to be in regular touch with her son. Six months after she started the rebuilding process, she came down on her annual vacation. Even in those six months, the boy never got into any trouble. We all met and once again through the spirit of reconciliation, Jesus brought healing into that family. As a young man doing his studies in engineering, his smile lifts my heart to thank Jesus for the miracles He continues to do in people’s lives.
Babies carrying wounds from the womb are growing in number. While the circumstances surrounding the above cases are unusual, what is now common is working mothers contemplating abortions because they believe their pregnancies are ill-timed.
If any woman thinks that a pregnancy is a result of a biological act and nothing else, then she knows only half the truth. The mournful cries of a childless couple can help reveal the full truth – a child is a gift from God. Even for women who seek the help of clinics to become pregnant, the wait can take years. “For Thou form my inward parts: Thou didst weave me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:13-14
From time to time we hear of horrendous crimes committed by school-going kids. What is shocking is that these kids feel little or no remorse for their actions. The culture of death pervades our society. It appears to be taking root in the wombs and the turbulent homes children are growing in. Children growing without a father are a major cause for concern, but that’s a story for another day.
There are expectant mothers who contemplate abortion, but are aware that it is a sin. They reluctantly accept the pregnancy; not knowing that the regret they feel is tangible to make the child within them feel unloved and unwanted.
Nothing makes me angrier than when an imprudent parent tells me – right in front of their child – how useless their child is. How casually we ‘kill’ our children! Somewhere deep inside the recesses of the parent’s conscience is repressed guilt that manifests itself as helplessness in coping with a child that never felt loved in the first place. Deep scars can neither be healed by pampering, nor with aggression and abuse. Unless reconciliation takes place, the parent and the child will look hopeless to each other.
There is a beeline of troubled children at psychotherapy clinics. Once again we fail to look inwards and try to solve our problems through external means. I realize it is tougher to stitch a marriage back together than to visit a therapist, but the former is far more rewarding and wholesome.
If a child can bleed psychologically in the dark silence of the womb and beyond, a child can also suffer physiologically. New-born babies of drug addicts, alcoholics, or smoking mothers are known to suffer extreme withdrawal symptoms. The infant’s cries can torment the toughest nurse in a maternity ward.
When Mary visited her cousin Elizabeth, the Holy Bible says the child in Elizabeth’s womb leaps for joy. This is what Elizabeth exclaims, “For behold, when the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy.” – Luke 1:44. When ultrasound first confirmed how a baby in the womb responds to music, it was termed as extraordinary. Now, this news remains exciting only to the mother. For others, it is common knowledge and not such a big deal. But, commercial greed is everywhere and prenatal centers continue to cash in on pregnancies. These centers ‘teach’ women how to ensure the wellbeing of the child within. It is as if expectant mothers have no natural role to play anymore! Apart from proper nutrition, what a child equally needs in the womb is acceptance and a loving environment.
Reason and faith need not be at loggerheads with each other – they can go hand in hand. Expectant mothers need to understand that their mental – and not just physical – state, determines the overall wellbeing of the child within. It is not just about ‘the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world’; the critical cradle will always remain the womb.
Here is something I picked from a prenatal expert: Even from the beginning of the baby’s life, it is accustomed to listening to the heartbeat of the mother and her voice. It is rocked about as she walks. The child takes comfort in the heartbeat of the mother. During the time of pregnancy, the mother is the custodian of the physical as well as the spiritual components of the preborn child in her womb. A mother’s thoughts also play a vital role in a child’s character, nature and disposition. The child is lucky if the thoughts and feelings of the mother are positive. Positive thoughts of the mother unravel themselves as intelligence, talent, confidence and adjustability in the child later. Negative thoughts in turn have negative effects. Motherhood is not just a happening. It is in fact a pleasant journey; a journey from the womb that stretches over.
We can derive a lot of strength from knowing that “God did not give us the spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self control.” 2 Timothy 1:7
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